shame

I dreamt, that I'm in the village of my grandparents. We ride on a cart. I read. I perceive, that the people are looking strange. I think about. I put my penis in my trousers. I understand: it's improper here. I read further, but I felt: they are looking still strange. I'm a stranger at home.
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I often think about returning to Transylvania. (Romania) I thought, I'm already on the right way to cope with traditional values and my feelings...

Férfiak(t) - Men in the Nude

We like to play with the thought: every man can fall in love with an other man, latent bisexuality etc. But we shrink from the idea we could do the same with a... terribile dictu... woman. Unsureness, leaving the familiar playfield, causing disappointment. I had this temptation (just theoretically!) as I read the book of Péter Nádas (Párhuzamos történetek - Paralel stories). And I felt the same by this movie.

A peace. Writer to the writer:
"... if you can love a boy,
return the love of a boy,
then you are ready for any other challenge.
Today it's a must!
If you can't meet challenges, you fail.
And you must do so
in unknown territories.
You won't be a loser."